The Gaffe and the Aftermath

Anyone can make a gaffe, a slip of the tongue, and unintended mispronunciation. And I don't have a problem with that.  I don't look for hidden agendas. I don't look for subconscious meanings and intentions. Goodness gracious, I am Queen Foot-in-Mouth. I say the wrong thing all. the. time.

But what I've recently read about my state's challenger for governor is enough to make me incredibly upset and physically ill. This YouTube video has been making the rounds. In it, he accidentally uses the word "whore" instead of "her" in talking about the incumbent, Nikki Haley. Now some may argue that it was intentional or characteristic or not surprising (given their intense acrimony against his party).

However, what he said (or mis-said) is not what infuriates me. It was a mistake. It could have been an accident.  My shock and frustration comes from what happens a few seconds later. How I wish he had stopped, horrified at his slip-up and admonished those around him who were enjoying and reveling in it. But he laughs. Giggles. Shares a wide smile. Points and encourages the audience to continue their applause. He enjoys the limelight and levity that calling a woman - even by mistake - a whore can give him and his agenda. And given all the jovial camaraderie he is sharing with those around him, one might stereotypically guess that he was in a room full of members of the Old Boy network. But no, you can see women in the video. What?  Women?  Laughing along at one of their own being called (even by a slip of the tongue) one of the worst words you can call a woman?

I have tried to read as much as I could to see what people's reaction was to this bit of news. Sadly, there isn't much for me to read.  There hasn't been much of a reaction. And it makes me extremely sad. The only person who seems to care is Ann Romney, who spoke to CNN.

Where ARE OUR voices?  Why don't we care?  I feel that many women today get so caught up in  political and "justice" issues that they overlook the day to day, personal experiences that are truly a war on women. Because that is where the war is: in the snide comments, the laughing and revelry of belittling women, the treating them as objects. I could go on and on.

Yes, we all make mistakes. But it is what we do with them that really matters. Do we use them to change and make the world around us a little better? Or do we relish them and perpetuate the ills that hurt others?  Why is it such a conundrum?

What more was there to know?

I was all ready to rant. I was irritated and angry at the news - both from the left and right. I was doing research and was ready to write - and rant. And I did. I wrote about bias and opinions and agendas. I ranted for quite a long time. And then I stopped and read it. Ugh. Usually, writing makes me feel better. But this did not. It was rambling. It was quite unsatisfactory.

And my mind kept coming back to an article I read during my "research". It was an Op-Ed piece from the Huffington Post by Shane Windmeyer, the Executive Director of Campus Pride and (past) vocal protestor of Chick-fil-a over comments made by Dan Cathy, CEO. In Windmeyer's own words, "...the whole nation was aware that Dan was 'guilty as charged' in his support of a 'biblical definition' of marriage. What more was there to know?"

What more was there to know? That is the question so many of us have when we read something on Facebook or Twitter, or watch a segment on our morning news show of choice. We read or hear what we want to read or hear. Our mind is made up almost instantly. We form passionate opinions based on Tweets and sound bites. We are sucked in and we regurgitate with relish.

But there is so much more to know. In the article "Dan and Me: My Coming Out as a Friend of Dan Cathy and Chick-fil-a", Windmeyer tells how he received a phone call from Cathy during the height of the protests and, over time, the two developed a friendship and respect for the other. When I read this, I was blown away. (Take a few minutes and read it for yourself.) Here were two men of decidedly different views, belief systems and experiences. How easy would it have been for them to smear each other and continue to polarize an already divisive - and newsworthy - issue. But their perspectives - and therefore, lives - were changed because they asked What more was there to know?

Can you imagine what our lives might be like if we all asked that question? How broken relationships could be mended? How much more compassionate we could be with those around us? How much more respectful and understanding we could be with people whom we disagree? How our lives might be changed? How others lives might be changed?

So ask yourself What more was there to know?