Saturday, December 6, 2014

A Beautiful Veneer

We all worry about our children feeling left out and passed over. We want them to have friends. We want them to feel included. We work on it. But what about ourselves? Do grown women ever feel left out or passed over? The answer is yes. Now this is not a pity party. It's is not a guilt trip. It's just a reminder that supposedly strong, supposedly "with-it" women have the same insecurities as a sixteen-year-old girl.

You wonder why you aren't included. Did I do something wrong? Did I say something that rubbed them the wrong way? Has our friendship dwindled and I just didn't know it? The questions abound. And in the world of social media, it is so much more in your face. I know those pictures and statuses aren't posted to hurt me. Of course they weren't even posted with me in mind. (I'm not THAT narcissistic.) But yes, even women in their forties can feel a little sting - no matter how unintended. 

In my head, I know this is ridiculous. I have a wonderful husband, two great boys, a beautiful home, a God who loves me more than I can even fathom - and a fabulous veneer.  I smile at all the right times. I give the teenage girls in my Bible Study such words of wisdom and compassion. I write words that (I've been told) give others strength and encouragement. I have a warm, beautiful veneer. Because I am human, I have emotions. I have insecurities. I get my feelings hurt.  And I mask it with that impenetrable veneer

I debated writing this. But it felt good to get it on paper. And I know I won't always feel the way I do at this moment. I know I can't be the only one. I wonder if I've unknowingly been an unwitting cause to someone else feeling the same. Did they just smile and move one? Did they mask the hurt? How many of us share that beautiful veneer

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