Bevy's Ranking of the...

I have had quite a giggle the past few weeks as I have subscribed to, by far, the funniest blog on the planet: Stuff Christians Like. Whether you are a Christian or not, you must read this blog. The writer, Jon Acuff, is just about the snarkiest Christian male out there. (Sadly, I'm afraid the snarkiest Christian female out there is yours truly...) His comments, observations, and self-effacing humor have me literally laughing so hard I have tears streaming down my face.

One of his last posts ranks up there in my opinion as one of his best. In it, he ranks the seven deadly sins from a man's perspective. If you didn't already click on the above hyperlink and read it, do it now!

Now, aren't you glad you did?

OK, now it's my turn to rank those seven deadly sins - from the girl's point of view.

7. SLOTH: I don't even think we girls have sloth in our vocabulary. With or without children. With or without husbands. With or without jobs outside the home. It doesn't matter as we are always busy with something! We always have a project, volunteer obligation, or event we are involved in. We can't help ourselves. It's takes effort for me to spend a day doing absolutely nothing. So SLOTH, you really don't count.

6. ANGER: Well maybe not the "in your face" anger and bitchiness of Real Housewives of (Fill In the Blank City). That's tacky and trashy with a capital T. When I get angry, I am usually EXTREMELY calm and polite, very cool and calculating. I will have a smile on my face, may utter "Dammit", and then twist that knife so sweetly that you'll never know what hit you. But that's just me.


5. LUST: OK, I agree LUST is most definitely number one with the guys. And I'll even admit that I do think my husband is rather hot and I do love to plant one on him just about all. the. time. However, for me, this LUST issue mainly centers around cute shoes and jewelry.

4. GREED: Very close cousin to Lust. 'Cause only one pair of cute Jack Rogers doesn't satisfy the pedicured toes of this Christian girl!


3. PRIDE: Unfortunately, she (And I give Pride this gender as I really do know a girl named Pride. Very cute and sweet girl. Must be a family name.) has reared her ugly head at me. She's pretty sneaky, that PRIDE. At first, she slithers in disguised as gratefulness. But it doesn't take long for her true colors to show. The pride I have that my home is lovely and inviting. The pride I have that my husband is so handsome. The pride I have in my family's genteel history. The pride I have that I am not a tattoo-sporting, Newport smoking redneck mama of five. The pride that I really don't have too many bad habits - or sins... Oh. Right.

2. ENVY: Yes. I ENVY every one of those anorexic Lilly P. models. Envy, envy, envy!!!


1. GLUTTONY: What's really funny about my ranking of GLUTTONY as number one is that the guy ranked it number 7. Not me. (Which perhaps is the reason for my ENVY. See above.) I'm the girl who can't eat only one PopTart.


Seriously, though, why do they put two in the little foil pouches? And then, after the first two pouches are eaten and the time comes for the third, I have to go ahead and eat the fourth. 'Cause it just looks so lonely in that box all by itself! A box of PopTarts never lasts longer than a few days for me. That's why I rarely buy them. And then, only the low fat variety - like that helps!

Stupid deadly sins! If only they were really this pretty!