Where does it go? The days are flying by, and in a little over a week June will be gone. It's been incredibly busy... and surreal. Never mind the educational workshops I attended for over a week, or VBS where I am working with three-year-olds! A hulking elephant named brain cancer has been lurking everywhere. My 4*th birthday came and went, as did Father's Day.
We celebrated by inviting Mike's parents over for fried chicken and all the fixings. What with the cards and gifts, it would seem to be an ordinary Father's Day. But this year wasn't. Usually my father-in-law is looking around our home for something to do: an air filter to change, help the boys with the lawn mower, check some gadget or another. But this year he didn't. Usually our summertime meals with my in-laws involve him grilling hamburgers and steaks. But this year he didn't. Usually he is asking the boys about what they've been up too. But this year he didn't.
This year he walked in slowly with his cane and sat down carefully. His usual quick smile appeared tired. I don't think he said more than twenty-five words the entire visit due to the expressive aphasia that was caused by the cancerous tumor. I could see how it pains my mother-in-law. She puts up such a brave and strong front, carrying the conversations and going on... because what else can you do? What else can you do when the man you have spent forty-five years of your life with is battling Gioblastoma Multiforme (Stage IV) cancer?
What do you do? What do I do? What do I do when I have researched this brain cancer on numerous websites and they all say the same thing? (And what they say is just heart wrenching.) What do I do when my husband has NOT? What do I do when he is in denial (either by choice of not finding out more - or just by choice in and of itself)? Have he and his mother talked about what could happen in twelve to eighteen months? (They don't talk as much as my family does.)
I try to talk and open the door for conversation with her. And although I feel her strong shell is slowly cracking, I'm not sure she will confide in me. But that's ok. She and Mike's aunts are very close and I know they are there for her. But Mike and I don't talk about it in any depth at all. We just don't. And I guess I just have to honor that. Hello, elephant in the room...
So that's where I am... with a big ol' elephant in the room named brain cancer and he won't go away.
Bevy
Bless your heart Bevy! I have a close friend who is battling stage IV liver cancer. I say...get the best medical care and PRAY! I feel for you, your husband, and your mother-in-law! Y'all are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteHi there, This is my first time visiting your blog and have enjoyed the visit. My father has battled cancer for almost three years now and is beating it. He "had" a tumor behind his right eye . . radiation and chemo, which he survived, he actually beat it. The cancer is in recessed and we as a family feel very blessed. Prayer is amazing . . don't stop. I lost my husband almost one year ago, July 8th will be a year. He battle diabetes and heart problems our entire marriage for thirty one years, I'm 53 and would not change a thing in my life. We had so much laughter and joy in our home for years, he really slowed down the last two years of his life and I was already home enjoying those years with him. I've read your story about your husband and I can feel and so relate how special he is to you . . I felt the same way about my husband. Love is so powerful it will conquer anything that comes your way. . . doesn't it? Lots of Blessings, Sandy:O)
ReplyDeleteOh Bevy. I am just like you!!! I have already joined support groups and spent hours leaning about the disease they think Harry has. I will now more about it eventually than the docs because i think knowledge is power. And I am a communicator too so I would be just like you. I can only imagine how hard this is for all of you. I wish there was some way I could make it easier. I know I can pray and I have been. And I will continue to do so. All my love,
ReplyDeleteKim
oops I meant KNOEW above.
ReplyDeleteUGH ! I meant KNOW! I really ought to go to bed!!!
ReplyDeleteI wish there were some magical words I could share to make it all better or at least explain the "rules" of this horrible game. Sadly, from experience, I know that everyone comes to terms with the illness at their own pace. There is no right or wrong with the path that is choosen. It just falls into place when the time is right. Mike may not be ready to talk today, tomorrow, or next week. He will let you know when he is there and you'll be waiting. You and your family remain held in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteJo
My guess (and it is just a guess) is that you just keep on keeping on. You seem to be so very strong.....and I bet you are a rock for all of them. It's so hard when people handle things so much differently than the way we do, but that is the way He made us. The wonderful news is that They all KNOW that you are there when they are ready. So until they are ready, you should continue to use your blog as your outlet. I don't know about you, but my blog is sort of like therapy for me. :). Please know that we are all right here ready to listen and pray. Xoxo
ReplyDeleteOh sweet Bevy you have so much on your plate right now (and it is summer thank goodness). First of all, happy belated birthday! Second, I am lifting up your FIL and all of you in prayers. Sending you many hugs!
ReplyDeleteBevy,I'm so sorry to hear this. I can only imagine how hard this is on everyone and knowing that different people react to such news in different ways can be difficult for everyone involved. I'm like you, I would want to do as much research as possible, know what the situation is and prepare to face it. But, denial can be such a strong force, as I'm sure you know. I'm continuing to pray for your family.
ReplyDeleteI know this is so very hard for all of you. Praying that God gives all of you the strength to deal with whatever is to come.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Robin
I have heard the worst thing to do is use the internet for research on grave illnesses like cancer. That said, however, it's where I go to first. Knowledge definitely means power. And there are trials around the country... those trials gave my SIL a good bit of extra time.
ReplyDeleteWe each deal with our elephants in our own way. Hang in there... I am sorry... Hugs & Kisses....
YIKES. So sad. I've been out of touch WAY too long....def. going through blogger withdrawal!! I've been the most busiest EVER...nothing bad. So so much to blog about, but very little time. I would love to catch up sometime.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny. I feel just like our REAL friends, we could pick back up where we left off even if we've been out of touch!
Here's my email...pamebarry@yahoo.com if you want.
Miss you too!
I am so sorry to read this Bevy! How difficult for your entire family, especially your mother-in-law. I will be thinking of and praying for your family during this difficult time!
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine the place you are in right now. Your husband and his family sound very much like my husband's family. Still praying for you all. Cancer just stinks!
ReplyDeleteCancer stinks. We know it all too well. I think the best thing you can do is to just be there for Mike and his parents. We all cope differently, and prayer WORKS. You are a great wife and daughter in law!
ReplyDeleteoh bevy, i am sorry! my heart goes to to your husband and you. denial is difficult. i went through a very similar situation with my MIL. she had a progressive liver disease and no one was wiling to discuss transplants (which very likely would have saved her life). i found when i tried to discuss it with either my husband or my sister in laws i only made things worse so my role was to support. i was the shoulder when they needed it, the rock for my husband when she passed. so, so hard, and so different than I would have been if it was one of my parents. one day at a time.... love & prayers to you all, tessa
ReplyDeleteYou just be there. You are present. Make every day count and take care of yourself. And PRAY. That's all you can do. xooxxo
ReplyDeleteso glad I came across your blog. I'm following, I hope you will as well. I started my blog a little over 3 months ago after graduating from college in the south and moving across the country to LA. The site's all about celebrity fashion from the point of view of an LA stylist. I'd love if if you'd stop by to see multiple post a day on all the latest celebrity fashion news. Any support would be awesome. Thanks love. xoxo
ReplyDeletewww.fashboulevard.blogspot.com